Feeling fragmented during transitions
3 lessons from Kintsugi on the art of self-repair
Major transitions often bring about substantial disruption. During those periods of intense change, our sense of self may seem irreversibly fragmented. It’s as if our identity resembles a delicate vase, which becomes chipped or even broken into shards, scattering bits of self everywhere. This feeling of disjointedness or full-on pulverisation can be particularly pronounced when transitions are imposed or forced upon us, rather than being intentionally chosen.
Following an ‘internal break-up’, it’s tempting to retreat to the sofa and go through a box of chocolate (or three) while wishing that life would magically restore itself to its prior state. We might also attempt to put the fragments back together seamlessly, so that the break is unnoticeable: as if it never happened. Needless to say these strategies of denial don’t often work.
A more “sensible” action, of course, is to accept that the change has occurred and move on. The task then becomes to conduct an internal restructure: to gather the pieces of ourselves and reconfigure them in a new way, to form our future identities. Embracing this process as a creative endeavour, rather than merely a repair, allows us to see it as an opportunity for transformation, where we evolve into someone stronger and improved.
Lessons from Kintsugi
The Japanese art form of Kintsugi, which translates to “golden joinery” or “golden repair”, draws from wabi sabi philosophy to transform imperfect, broken pottery into precious art. Rather than discarding cracked ceramics, Kintsugi artisans delicately mend the pieces. In place of glue, they use special lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, deliberately exposing rather than concealing the repair joints. This mending process not only restores the functionality of the object but also elevates it to a new level of beauty and aesthetic significance.
This concept of “golden repair” has real relevance to people in transition who are trying to self-repair when feeling broken or fragmented. Consider these three insights from Kintsugi that can help enable transformation into a more complete, whole and robust version of self.
1. Scars are to be highlighted: Aided and abetted by social media, we disproportionately see positive achievements and successes on display; a falsely flawless public image. To keep up with the semblance of perfection, there can be tremendous pressure to hide our hardships and pretend that our lives are immaculate. The Kintsugi approach is that scars are testaments to what we have endured. Instead of concealing our fractures, we can highlight them as treasures to proudly celebrate and showcase.
“There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.”— Rabbi Menachem Mendel
2. Repair cultivates strength: Kintsugi signifies resilience and growth through adversity: the metal lacquer adds strength and durability to the restored piece. Moving through despair makes us more resilient. It makes us more artistic: with hardship comes heightened sensitivity, which spurs creativity. Experiencing pain increases our empathy for others, especially for those who are suffering. It also enlightens us with a greater appreciation and passion for life.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”— Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
3. Transformation requires fragmentation: Kintsugi requires cracks and fragments. It cannot be implemented with an intact piece of pottery. Similarly, internal break-ups are necessary for self-development. The destruction and fragmentation that occurs during a major life transition is a precursor to transformational growth. Just as Kintsugi elevates broken pottery to a higher aesthetic status, the process of self-repair elevates us into an even more beautiful version of ourselves.
“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.”— Pablo Picasso
Much like a shattered piece of pottery, major life transitions can leave us feeling fragmented. While these periods can be painful, they’re also opportunities for tremendous creativity and self-discovery. Kintsugi teaches us that reassembly is not just about repair; it’s a creative activity that celebrates the healing process. Its valuable lessons can guide us in reworking our shards of self into a more beautiful, resilient and meaningful identity.
If you enjoyed this post, read more like it & subscribe to my blog on navigating life transitions here: https://baillie.substack.com.
